Five Up, Five Down

Sup. Pretty simple premise...

Five Up:
1) Double cheeseburger for breakfast.
2) I was SO right about Terrelle Pryor.
3)) Bye bye, Cubbies.
4) I discovered a blogger more accomplished than I.
5) Rays are up Two-Zip.

"Perhaps the reason why I suck so much that I can't even start for a team that got swept was that I look at the camera whilst I swing."

-Five Down:
1) The layout of Rite-Aid. Almost got lost trying to navigate those catacombs they call aisles.
2) I was SO wrong about Vanderbilt. For now.
3) Kimbo couldn't even make it to round two. Still scared of him.
4) Workout got cut short by father time...
5) ...Yet i'm still sore.

You don't have to scream at me, I admitted I'm wrong. I have no doubt in my mind you will win out now...wait, what? You play Florida? And Georgia? And the team you beat today was AUBURN? Nvm. Lolz. Haha internet lingo makes me R.O.F.L.

Also, today it came to pass that I learned Matt Kemp's nickname is "The Bison." Inspired by the Brian Dawkins of baseball, I have compiled an All-Nicknamia-Animalia Team.

C- Brandon "Tiger" Inge. Brandon Inge plays for the Detroit Tigers. From hereon, I will be referred to as Steven "Ram" Dungan. And my dad would be Blue Hen Dungan.
1B- Fred "Crime Dog" McGriff. The winningest player on the team, no doubt, because he endorses back-to-back-to-back AAU national championship-worthy instruction. That's not the actual commercial obviously, but if you've watched ESPN within the last 17 years, you have to have seen the Tom Emanski commercial.
2B- Ryne "Rhino" Sanburg. Okay, he's not a current player, but after watching the Dodgers broom the Cubs, they can use all the help they can get. Better than Fukudome.
3B- Cal "Iron Man" Ripken. Not an animal you say? Oho, you jest. You gents who went crazy and yelled "IRON MAN'S A BEAST!" every time he kicked butt. Beast = animal, look it up.
SS- Cal can play short, as well.
LF- Kosuke "Suck Fish" Fukudome. Okay, not his true alias (yet), but seriously, if said species was in existence... I mean have you seen this guy swing?
CF- Matt "The Bison" Kemp. Obviously in the RBI program as a youth, as evidenced by his starting a brawl by taking offense to catcher tagging him ON A DROPPED THIRD STRIKE.
RF- Lance "Big Puma" Berkman. He actually came up with this nickname on his own. True story.
SP- Sidney "Shrek" Ponson. I think facial/structural similarity contributed to this title.
SP- Mike "Moose" Mussina. He's cool because he solves crosswords, and so do I. Neither of us is participating in the playoffs either, and I'm doing sitting at home on my butt for a lot less than 18 milli a year.
RP- Ryan "Mad Dog" Madson. Personally I think Grant Balfour deserves a nickname derived from the animal kingdom. Perhaps Grant "anger-infused kangaroo" Balfour. Yeah.
DH- Adam "Big Donkey" Dunn. Refers to his hitting power, if there was any confusion.

Other cool nicknames**:

**My source is Wikipedia. You and I could debate the authenticity of Wikipedia for hours. Or you could just shut up and read this list, so hilarity may ensue.

-Mike "The Biggest Eyebrows in Baseball" Lowell. Debatable, but the man only has one testicle, so BACK OFF.
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Well I couldn't find anymore. You're welcome to Google it yourself, I won't try to stop you.